It never fails. Mention antiperspirants, shaving your armpits, or any other thing of that nature and some big mouth just has to jump in claiming we’re all “brainwashed” and all this other crap that often makes them look and sound like an ignorant fool.
To start with, I hate, with a passion, being stereotyped or lumped together with a bunch of others. I’ve had too much of that in my life. It’s bad enough being stereotyped as lazy because I’m fat, but I also happen to be the youngest of four and the only girl. Because of this I can be a bit “tomboyish” and people often think this means I’m a lesbian.
Well, I’m not. I LOVE MEN. I want to date and have sex with MEN. I fantasize about MEN.
This, mind you, is only one of many stereotypes I have to deal with. I don’t feel like listing the others. But someone is always trying to put me into a “box.”
So throw in there that I’m “brainwashed by the evil men” as yet another stereotype and you shall face my wrath.
I shave my legs and pits because I WANT TO. I LIKE IT! I LOVE the way clothes feel against freshly shaved legs. There’s something incredibly erotic about hairless legs against bedsheets or being caressed in the breeze. When my pits are shaved I feel cleaner, better about myself. I smell better.
In fact, I believe everyone, female and male, should shave their pits.
One of my mom’s friends had a son who was very hairy and very sweaty and smelly, even after a shower. He then joined the swim team. As a result he had to shave his entire body, including his pits. He found that because the hair was no longer there to trap sweat and encourage bacteria growth, he used 50% less deodorant then he used when he was hairy. Even if he hadn’t recently been swimming, he didn’t smell as bad as he used to nor did his pits feel as sweaty. Long after he was gone from the swim team, he STILL shaves his pits!
As far as antiperspirants go – again, I use them BECAUSE I LIKE THEM. I hate the sticky, nasty feeling of wet pits. It’s uncomfortable. It’s like going around with a big old wad of bubblegum stuck to the middle of your back where you can’t reach it. It’s just gross and – blech.
I’m not brainwashed. I do it for me. Period.
I’m not like other women my age. I’m old fashioned and believe men should make the first move. I want a man to open a door for me. My idea of a good Friday night is staying home reading someone like Dean Koontz and listening to people like Barry Manilow, Michael Crawford, Sammy Davis Jr, etc. I hate shopping. I rarely drink. I’d rather watch reruns of Star Trek (any series except Voyager) then Gossip Girl or Sex And The City. I think the thong is the stupidest thing ever made and I will never, in a billion years, wear one. I think there’s no shame in having plastic surgery and believe that health insurance should cover it. Heck, it would be cheaper for them in the long run then therapy would be. I wish What Not To Wear would be canceled and Shalom In The Home would be put back on the air. (Frankly, Jon & Kate could’ve used Rabbi Boteach’s help more then Emeril’s. Maybe their marriage could’ve been saved.)
In the end, I do it for ME. Not because some evil company tells me to. Not because men “make me.” I like the way it makes me feel. And there’s no link, BTW, between antiperspirants and breast cancer. That is just more tinfoil hat brigade nonsense.
Tags: antiperspirants, shaving
